I left my phone at home
And it was okay.
It happened a few days ago. I was late to get out of bed. I lay nestled in my blankets. I wished I could just exist, and that that would be okay. Its not that I dislike my new job, actually, I love it (and at the same time know that its not what I want to do for the rest of my life). I just wake up some mornings and want to be on my own time. I listen to the cars outside the window, the birds starting to sing in the backyard, and I want nothing more than to sit and watch the light grow across my bedroom, filling in the corners of the walls, playing over the holes left from where the last person to live here had hung some art.
Eventually, I got up with just enough time to put a small lunch together and make some coffee. I carried my bike to the back door, so as not to wake my upstairs neighbor, and rode over to the train station. Nothing felt amiss, in fact, despite the fact that my slow morning was once again disturbed by the schedule forced upon me by the clock of the world, everything felt routine.
That is, until I got to the platform, and was looking for my phone to pull up my ticket.
To my initial dismay, the small computer I've grown so accustomed to carrying in my back pocket was nowhere to be found.
I looked at my watch, saw that the train was only 2 minutes away, and quickly ran through every scenario I could think of to get my phone from my bedside table.
- Ride my bike back home, call in sick. I guess just giving up is always one option, but I don't like letting my coworkers down. I have personal days at my new job, and paid time off, I could just feign illness or say I need a mental health day, and it would be okay.
But that is dishonest, and I don't like to live like that.
Ride my bike back home, grab my phone, and then ride back and catch the next train 30 minutes later. Pros: I would have my phone. Cons: I would be 30 minutes late to work. I hate being late to work. No, this wasn't a viable option.
Ride my bike back home, grab phone. Take my car to work. This would have been the next best thing, except I'd have to drive in the city, which I avoid at all costs, except through the certain routes that I sometimes have to take for work that I know by heart (Boston is a nightmare to drive in). I would also miss out on my favorite part of my commute, which is settling into the worn leather seat of the train with my coffee and a book, and just escaping for the 30 minutes it takes to get into the city. No, this wasn't it.
At this moment, the universe had made my decision for me. The train was at the platform, the conductor had opened the door, and everyone around me was filing begrudgingly into the cars (I guess everyone wishes they could just exist, without the need to go to some place to perform some task every day). I obligingly followed in their steps, and found a seat by the aisle. I usually prefer window seats, but this was a particularly full train today.
I settled into my book, and was sipping my coffee, thinking about what to do when the conductor came around asking for tickets. I had a story in my mind, ready, about how I forgot my phone and take this train every day, hoping he would believe me. I didn't use it. He came by, and I just grabbed my work subway pass, and said quickly that I forgot my phone, so I don't have my digital pass, but I have this, and I take the train every day. He just looked at it and said, "You're good", and continued on.
Once I got to the city, it wasn't too bad. I don't use my phone for any navigation or to hold any digital passes for the subway, so I got to work surprisingly 10 minutes early. The rest of the day went by surprisingly well. As it turned out, I don't need my phone as much as I thought I did. I think it is really just a crutch I lean on during time when I don't have anything to do.
That day, I drew more, I talked to my colleagues more, and I looked around more. I realized that, sure, I wasn't nestled in my blankets late into the morning at home, but I still could find areas to watch the light make its way through the streets. I felt a little bit better about existing in the world, on a schedule forced upon me by my job, when I wasn't spending every moment absorbed into a news feed or checking my email to see only another junk message.
On the way back, I had to buy a one way ticket to get into the train station. That was kind of a bummer but also not an expensive bummer. Only a few dollars. I still managed to catch the train that I normally do, miraculously. Again, it was packed. I had to sit next to an older man who was lounging in his seat, taking up a good portion of my seat, watching something on his phone the whole time. He begrudgingly made a little bit of room for me when I couldn't find any other seat, but I still didn't have enough space, and felt his energy the whole time. He didn't want to be near anyone. He wanted to be left alone. After a few stops, a seat opened up in a more spacious section a few rows ahead, at one of the tables that has two seats turned toward each other, I thought, encouraging conversation (though no one ever talks). I took the opportunity to move up to that one, asked the person sitting in the adjoining seat if he would mind if I took that one. He welcomed it. As I was putting my things down, I put my iPod down on the table first, and then my bag on the rack above. He turned to me, and said "Oh, that's awesome. I love that you have an iPod. I just wrote an article about how those, and other old tech, are coming back". We then talked about that, and how smartphones are actually slowly overtaking our lives, for the next few minutes. I then noticed his name tag from work, and that he worked for the MBTA. I asked him about that, and he started talking about what he does and working for them in their offices downtown. I left him one of my cards, in case he wanted to stay in touch, and he really appreciated that. He was about my age, and we started talking about design too, as he looked my card over, and asked me if I designed it myself.
All in all, my day without a phone was fantastic. It made me feel a little bit more me. I talked to more strangers, complimented them, and received compliments in return. I hope to have more days like this, and if moving away from smart phones and wearable tech is the answer, I will embrace it. I want to be present.