new habits are hard
new habits are hard for me to stick to, somehow. a little while ago, i wrote about how i was going to keep a daily log. i did in fact log a few days, but it hasn't become a daily habit yet. i'm okay with this.
i may not have been diligently keeping up with it every day, but i have been keeping up with it some of the time, and that some of the time has been enough to make me realize what makes me happy and what doesn't. its been enough to provide extra data about my life and my routine that i can look back on when i have a tough day (and i do all the time), and think about what i did that made this day more difficult than a good day.
today was a good day though.
work was okay, not amazing, but okay. it is a job. it is a job i enjoy because i see awesome people every day, and its in an art museum, behind the scenes at that. i see and learn things i'd never dreamed of three years ago, or six years ago, when i was standing behind a bar making drinks for people. and yet, i keep on thinking of the next thing i could do. where i am now is great, but i still want to do more than i'm doing now.
there's a job i've been eyeing that opened up at my workplace that i kind of want to go for, because it is the only thing directly associated with photography that i've seen so far. its a really fantastic job, too. i shared with my coworker, "if i had my shit together in my twenties, i'd probably be able to go for that job." she simply said, "well, why don't you? you do have the experience, just different experience than what they're looking for, and even if you don't get it, which is likely, its still good practice to just go for it".
i've heard this so many times over the year, if each time were a shot, i'd be long past drunk. still though, i realized it doesn't do me any good to think about what i could've done if i "had my shit together" when i was 24. it only does me good to try something now, and put myself out there.
so i think i'll put together an application and go for it. if i don't get it, i still have other things going for me that i know will pay off. if i do, well then, shit, that would be really cool and a dream.
i had a really interesting dream the other night too. in the dream, i was trying to make coffee, but found it impossible. first the water wouldn't heat up, then the coffee wouldn't stay in the filter. it was one of those classic dreams where you're trying to do something very plain and simple, but dream physics come into play and suddenly things are floating and nothing is working no matter how hard you try.
i woke up feeling like that was my subconscious saying farewell to my life as a barista, and now i need to continue to put myself out there for jobs in my new field that seem interesting and inspiring, and take me one step closer to doing something i really care about.