new year, so far new habits
Its only been a week of 2026, and I can't say for certain that this is how I'll feel at the end of December, but I feel a change in how I spend time with people. A lot of it has to do with wanting to be home at night, winding down and working on my numerous projects. The sweater I'm making right now is almost done, at last, the first sleeve starting to look like something that could fit over my arm. Perhaps I've been through so much partying, and drinking until I wondered how I got lucky enough to get home, that now I'm steadily growing less into the idea of continuing to test luck. Perhaps its the expense of going out and getting drunk, spending the night in a fog. I think part of it is that I'm now in a new city, where I don't have my friends around who I could text to just head to the bar. Cigarettes have been out of my life for over 2 years now too, and everything feels clearer.
I listen to the voices of passersby, carried up to the windowpanes of my third floor apartment, chatting eagerly on the way to the next stop of the night. I can't picture those stops here, don't know the cheapest shop to buy cigarettes in, and feel like I finally won.
I don't know if I won anything yet. I feel very different this year than any year prior. I'm 34 years old now, and suddenly have this very clear idea in my head how I want to spend my time, and what I want to experience. The premise of a day trip, now, appeals to me much more than staying out until 3 am. I like being out with friends, but I like being home at night. This doesn't mean I don't occasionally like to go to a show, and maybe hang out a little afterwards, but that doesn't feel like my life anymore.