recollections/envisioning over a cup of coffee
my coffee cup is almost empty, on this overcast saturday morning. the cup in question is a white ceramic eight ounce cup with a saucer made by loveramics that we used when i worked at summit in the river arts district of asheville. i took home two of them one day, when we were replacing them. too many of them broke, or got stolen by regulars who just "liked" them.
that all seems so long ago, and recently, i've found that my body has finally allowed me to sleep later than 5:30 am, now that i don't have to be at work at 6:30 to open up the cafe. that all seems so long ago, because a hurricane leveled the entire building summit was in two years ago. these two cups that i have are all i have left of that whole cafe now, and it feels very different from simply not working at a place anymore. it feels very different knowing that the place i shared pizza and beer with my coworkers at staff meetings after hours, the place i went to years before working there, when asheville was brand new to me, just doesn't exist anymore. it feels different having the picture in my head of the day after the flood waters receded, and i saw the green la marzocco espresso machine across the parking lot on the ground, the milk fridge i pulled probably hundreds of gallons of milk out of upside down in the crumbling loft area. it feels different knowing that the few coworkers i had who didn't leave that job after, started working out of a truck parked outside a local brewery up the hill.
i think part of what makes it seem so distant, is that i couldn't go back to life as a barista after that. between that place being destroyed, and the memory of my second barista job in asheville at pennycup, right up the road, being such a wonderful, homey work environment (that survived the storm, fortunately), i couldn't bring myself to replace either of those people with new coworkers in new cafes. i wanted change, i wanted to finally be out of the food service industry, and to work towards a more fulfilling future outside of 6am to 3:00 pm shift work.
i feel myself changing now, working at an art museum, living in a city where i don't know anyone, and am gradually forced to put myself out there at my own pace. growing pains are tough though, and its even tougher to go to a show at a friend's space, not know anyone other than 2 people, and try to talk to new people and meet them. i'm so used to being in places where friend's i've had for ten years take me around and say "this is sam, he's awesome". its hard to have to do that on your own, but i'm trying, and gradually, i'm making friends with the right people.
hopefully, it gets easier. hopefully, people understand that i smoke weed to get into a comfortable space to exist at a thing like a show, and then consequently, get too stoned to do anything other than stand in the corner listening to the music, interacting with the couple people i know. i do see all these people being themselves, and being accepted, and know it will be all right, and i'll be accepted too. i just have to get past the initial fear of putting myself out there and showing the world who i am.
