this is just where i am now
i've been home sick today. caught some sort of bug over the weekend i think, and have been actually enjoying hanging out at home, playing ps1 games, reading, eating what i can (though i don't have much of an appetite). i am feeling a little better now, and hope that i can rally to go to work tomorrow, and photograph anyfolk tomorrow night.
the days are getting longer, and today felt more like spring than other days. the forecast also calls for warmer days this week too. its 5:00 and still light out, the light falling in the old bedroom, now a music room. i was hoping i'd play a little music today, but its always hard to do that when i'm feeling sick. all i want to do is lounge around and drift in and out of consciousness until i feel better.
i made a really good peanut curry the other night, with tofu and sweet potato. i love making peanut sauces, and especially love eating a little bit of curry with rice when i'm sick.
the other day, at work, i had a slow moment when i took a moment to write down a little bit in my journal. i was thinking about smells, specifically, my smells, that only i would notice, and how when i'm sick, i've always noticed the same smell about me, and now relate that to all the places i've called home. i remember nose running-eyes watering, so many hours spent in one of the old bean bag chairs at my dad's, or eating lemon italian ice while playing a gamecube game or watching a movie at my mom's, just trying to feel myself again, healthy.
i still notice that i smell the same, after all these years, throughout all these places, and i don't even think its a smell that anyone else would be able to pick out of a bouquet, its a scent only i know, and it brings me back to those moments spent at home, many years ago, and connects all of these different iterations of home to the earliest memories of home i have. i guess that could be an antidote to homesickness, just looking deep inside yourself and remembering that you smell the same as you did in every home you've ever had. this is just where i am now.