I'm tired of being a "creator". I am an artist.
On Thursday, I shared a poem I wrote recently (this one) with my coworker. He's an older person, working in another department, security, and always jokes about how this is his last job. He plans to quit when he turns 70 so he can stay home and work on his art full time. He's an incredible artist. We both are always reading in any downtime we have, and have gotten into the habit of sharing books with each other. Most of the things I share are poetry, and he always asks, "So Saaaaam... have you written anything lately?" in a languorous drawl that is his own. I always say, "no, not lately", but then realize that is not true, and I have written a lot, just not anything I'd want to share. I've written a lot of crap, but its good crap that I enjoy writing, and that feels good to write. I probably will share it someday, probably here on this blog (in fact, I've already started to).
Anyway, this poem I shared with him happens to be one that I don't think is crap, and I've been sitting on it for a couple years now, unsure of where to go next. I knew it needed more work, but I'd been looking at it and reading it so much that I just didn't know what to do differently. I got it back from him this morning, all marked up in red ink the way I remember my peers and teachers doing in years past. I forgot how much I missed that, reading what other people thought of my work. I read it through with some of his changes and omissions this morning, and was reminded that sharing is the only way to grow.
Over the years, I've become so accustomed to this idea propagated by Instagram culture, that everything you share has to be perfect, and able to grip your audience, as soon as you decide to share it. This idea that once you make one thing, that is your "brand identity", and everything that precedes it must be in line with it, fit your grid. The social media giants have turned art and creativity into a business, and gradually turned us into creators, not artists, writers, sculptors, or musicians. That one overarching word that takes the art out of our craft: creator. I've thought so much about this, that I stopped sharing anything. I don't want to make content. I want to make art.
I'm tired of being a creator.
I have always been an artist.
I have always been a photographer.
I have always been a musician.
I have always been a voracious reader.
I don't have a brand identity because I am not a brand. I am a human who is also all of those things above and so much more.
The weekend is coming up and I plan on looking over the poem in the morning, with a hot cup of coffee. I'll probably type it up on my typewriter, and play around with the words. Something I haven't done in a while, and I love, is typing it up, cutting out each line, and arranging them in different orders on the table. It really helps me organize my words in different ways, and gets me out of my head (that moment when you are just staring at the paper and going crosseyed trying to figure out what you can do to make the poem stronger - a poem is never finished).
I have two rolls of black and white film I'd like to develop too. I don't remember what is on them, its been a few months, but I know they are at least only from 2025. I have another roll of very old black and white film that I got for only a couple dollars. Its a roll of Kodak Plus-X safety film, in a metal canister with a yellow screw top. It could be from the 50s or 60s, and is probably blank. It has only 20 exposures total. I'm going to put it in a camera and shoot it all tomorrow as well, and develop that too. I'm so curious what will happen. Is it actually blank, or is there someone else's photos on it? Will I end up with their images from decades past double exposed over my own? Maybe it won't even come out. I don't know, but this is the kind of experiment I live for.
I also want to spend a lot of time reading, hopefully out in one of my favorite parks. One of my favorite weekend routines costs only $10. I walk to Lombardy Market, buy a turkey sandwich, a bag of chips, and a drink, and then walk to the park I refer to as triangle park, and sit on a bench in the shade and eat, and just be outside. I always bring things to read, usually headphones and my iPod, but more often than not, I just sit there after I've eaten and just be. Its a nice way to give yourself an hour of time spent doing nothing outside, around other people, most of whom are also doing nothing.